The other day I was reading in 1 Peter and came across a familiar verse: "[cast] all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you" (5:7). I was struck by the fact that I often see that verse on greeting cards or wall decor, but I rarely see it accompanied by the verse before it, which is pretty contextually important.
1 Peter 5:6-7 says, "humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you." Here's what the notes in my ESV Study Bible had to say: The participle "casting" modifies the main verbal phrase "humble yourselves" from v.6. Worry is a form of pride because it involves taking concerns upon oneself instead of entrusting them to God. Believers can trust God because, as their Father, he cares for them" (pg. 2413). Gut check. Who am I to think that, in my finite understanding of things, I can handle them better than God? We are just like the Israelites, aren't we? Forgetting Who we serve and taking matters into our own hands. It is strange to think of worry as pride but that's exactly what it is. And that is exactly what I struggle with, especially as we near our daughter's due date. There are so many things that make me feel anxious! But that is always going to be the case, there is always going to be something about parenting our daughter that has the potential to cause anxiety. It is a pride, a sin, that I need to daily, and perhaps even hourly, confess to the Lord and ask Him to refine in me. Our birth mom had a doctor's appointment this week, both she and baby girl are doing well! She will be induced on January 8 if baby girl doesn't make an appearance before then. Y'all. That is ONE MONTH AWAY. I'm so excited/nervous/scared/ready/not ready! Would you be praying fervently over us in the coming weeks? -pray for me as I struggle with worry -pray for Jacob and I to be unified in our decisions and for good communication -pray for our birth mom physically and emotionally in the last month of her pregnancy -pray that our birth mom will NOT change her mind last minute and will follow through on choosing us to parent -pray that we would be able to demonstrate the love of Christ to all those we encounter in the hospital, etc. -pray for good health and safety for our baby -pray for all of our travel plans to come together as we travel out of state to pick her up -PRAISE! for God's gracious provision of adoption expenses This has been the most humbling journey and I know it is just the beginning. We are incredibly grateful for the many, many ways people have supported us. Thank you for the part you play in our lives. Glory to God in the highest!
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“A child born to another woman [will call] me mommy. The depth of that tragedy and the magnitude of that privilege are not lost on me.” -Jody Landers
I read that quote a while back but it is becoming all the more real to me as we get closer and closer to the day baby girl joins our family. But as we prepare for our daughter, my heart and mind continually dwell on our birth mom. We haven’t met her, and at this point, she hasn’t decided whether or not she’d like to meet us. But I care about her so deeply. I feel connected to her in a way I never expected. When Jacob and I started having conversations about adoption and we were leaning toward adopting domestically and not internationally, I felt sure that I wanted a closed adoption. Rooted in my own fears and insecurities, it sounded so much easier to not have to deal with a relationship with the birth parents. No communication whatsoever felt neater and more manageable. As I prayed, listened to podcasts and sermons, and read books and blog posts, God began to soften my heart and open my eyes to see how selfish I was being. I cared more about my personal comfort and not having to deal with potentially awkward situations than the well-being of my child or our birth mom. While it may be more emotional and messy, I now understand the value of having at the very least, a semi-open adoption where we communicate with the birth mom through our agency. It gives all of us the space to lean in and connect and process--for our birth mom to know the child she carried in her womb is being cared for and loved, for me to let her know I am praying for her and think of her often and am grateful for the brave decision she made to give life, and eventually for our daughter to understand the fullness of her story. We take it a day at a time, asking God to direct our steps and give us wisdom in this new and unfamiliar territory. And maybe, just maybe, someday I’ll get to hug our birth mom’s neck and whisper through my tears, “thank you.” I say all this based on our specific situation. I understand that there are situations where it is in the best interest of the child to create more strict boundaries in terms of communication with birth parents, especially if they are making life choices that are consistently harmful and destructive. Just as biological parents have to pray through how to best parent each of their children given their unique design and needs, so too adoptive parents have to ask God how to navigate the nuances of birth parent relationships given their child’s situation. Adoption is pain and joy, brokenness and redemption. What a tragedy, what a privilege. We have known about our daughter for two wonderful weeks now. It's hard to believe how much can change with a simple phone call. It has been such a joy to share our happy news and celebrate with everyone. January will be here before we know it!
There was an article in the summer issue of the Magnolia Journal that I absolutely loved and has stuck with me. A husband shared about his family’s journey with foster care and adoption and he said this: “It was risky but love is always risky...we were reminded that we want to be the sort of folks who get their hopes up. We want to feel the weight of the world in its entirety, in its beauty as well as its brokenness, celebrating all of the life and mourning all of the death” (by Billy Jack Brawner). It’s such a tricky tension to live in, especially as we walk through the next couple months knowing the birth mom could change her mind at any time and doesn’t sign to terminate her rights until 24 hours after baby girl has been born. It would be tempting to not let ourselves feel the fullness of the joy and let the fear of a failed match rob us of the chance to celebrate where we are at right now. Here’s to all the beauty and all the brokenness. For those of you who've asked how you can help and what we need most right now, other than prayer, the really straightforward answer is money. Due to our birth mom's circumstances, the cost of this adoption is MUCH higher than most of the cases we saw. God provided in tremendous ways in the spring when we did our initial fundraising and we are confident that He will continue to provide. If you'd like to make a donation to help cover the agency costs as well as the travel expenses we will incur when we go to pick her up, you can donate here: www.youcaring.com/forbesadoption Our goal is to raise $21,900 by the end of the year. We’ve got a few great fundraisers in the works and will let y'all know about those soon. We already launched another round of shirts and have coffee available for purchase. You can find more information and the links on the fundraising tab. Thank you for coming alongside us on this rollercoaster of an adventure! |
Romans 8:15-17
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